Hey while you're loving elephants: Denver Zoo has two teenage boy elephants and one Old Man Elephant named Groucho, and lately they've had the lads housed with him so he can teach them Proper Elephant Manners like how bulls raise teenage boy elephants in the wild. Bull elephants are apparently very into being parents but due to the matriarichal nature of most herds, they really only get to raise calves after they've hit puberty. My point is, one of the boys was being annoying and chasing rabbits so Groucho came up and jabbed him in the ass with a tusk, the lad ran around the enclosure crying then came back and did a lot of "I'm sorry I'll be good now dad" fawning and it was adorable.

gallusrostromegalus:

misskirby:

OH MAN SEE SEE SEE i wish we knew so much more about how bull elephants interact with herds and families - we’ve documented bull elephants traveling to matriarchal herds and fake wrestling with male calves, and we’ve documented bulls protecting orphaned calves, but in god’s name i want every in and out about it. everything we know about elephant social interaction is not enough. it’s a Thing that introducing old bulls to a population lowers the amount of younger bulls in musth, also known as the state in which bull elephants desire nothing but murder and possibly sex, but - i want to know the precise mechanisms. old bull elephants teaching younger bulls manners renders me VERKLEMPT. i just wanna know every secret elephants have.

this is incredible though. peak teenage boy. groucho has his hands full and i fucking love him for that. get their asses, groucho.

So from what I understand, as remembered from nature programs and the zookeeper lecture, is that Old Bulls reduce the violence i young bulls by putting them through Elephant Finishing School.

This is better documented in African Elephants than asian ones because they’re easier for elephant biologists to observe by the means of ‘sitting on top of a jeep and taking notes’ but the general scope goes like this:

Elephant herds are largely matriarichal as both a means of protection- elephants have a long childhood and it’s easier to protect calves in a group, AND as a socio-political means of sexual choice.

An African elephant is pregnant for nearly two years, then she spends at least 3-5 years with that calf completely dependent on her, so she only gets a few opportunities to have babies before she hits menopause, and it’s a lot of damn work so she is naturally EXTREMELY picky about who she mates with. And if she’s younger, her mom, sisters and grandmothers will also be real picky about who she mates with and WHEN too- can’t go around risking a teenage pregnancy, especially not with asubstandard male. Elephants also have a pretty clear idea of what they want out of a Male too: they have a marked preference for Large, Old, Socially Adept Males. Large males are HEALTHY males with all thier bones in place and functioning digestive tracts. OLD males are healthy, have good intelligence to stay alive, and have good teeth. Socally Adept Males can make friends, get along with her whole family, won’t engage in dangerous behaviors like trying to kill her calves or grandmothers. It’s a good system that produces robust, intelligent and helpful calves.

This means however, that most female elephants are into Dilfs, or even Gilfs. Which is extremely frustrating when you are a horny teenage boy elephant, so they go a bit nuts with hormones and social isolation and get involved in teenage elephant gangs and do things like murder rhinos out of sexual and social frustration.

BUT! If there are Large, Old, Socially Adept males about, they like being parents too, but are largely pushed out of the role by the matriarichal herds and their strict group politics that exist to prevent unsuitable mating. So They turn thier attention to these violent orphans and like your beloved Batman go “I’m gonna parent the shit outta that.”

They mostly do this by herding the Lads around, pointedly demonstrating Behaviors like “How to dig for roots so you don’t starve” or “How to knock over a tree” or “Greeting a Matriach Properly so she doesn’t sic her descendants on you”, and disciplinary behaviors like “Jabbing naughty Lads in the ass with a tusk” and “Hitting you in the face with a branch until you STOP THAT” . This is WILDLY beneficial for the young males under thier tutelage, who are less likely to die of accidents, and start mating earlier because they’ve had a Suitable Gentleman make introductions for them, like they are fancy men at a regency-era ball being intoduced to the debutantes.

Imagine some Fine and Respectable DILF wandering around adopting teenage delinquents and spraying them in the face with a windex bottle full of vinegar until they learn how to be proper upstanding gentlemen and you’re getting close.